It takes a… “special”
Kind of child
To watch movies everyday of his
Young life
And come to the conclusion that the United States
Consists of
Only New York and Los Angeles
--Especially when that child lives in Denver.
But that’s what I was.
I was
that
…
“special”
Child.
I had seen so many movies at such a
Young age
That I was convinced every single
Part
of
the
U.S.
belonged
in some way or form
to
either
New York
Or
Los Angeles.
Denver must’ve been a suburb
Or some
shit.
This is because
Of course
Most movies
take place in either
N.Y. or L.A.
In
Cinemaland, most nowhere else existed.
Which is a suburb of New York.
I
knew this because it looked cold
All that hot breath boiling from
Rocky’s lips.
Which was just another word for New York
Or Long Island
What with
the accents and all
It seemed pretty obvious to six-year-old me.
But as I got older
I eventually realized that New York and L.A.
Didn’t constitute the entirety of the United States of
America.
No
Instead
Everything worth making a movie about
Only takes
place in L.A. or N.Y.
Nothing exciting happens much
Anywhere else.
Somebody made a movie about
Fargo
But I didn’t watch it
Because
obviously nothing happens in that movie
Because nothing happens outside of New York or L.A.
Must be
a movie about people sitting around
Drinking coffee
Having mundane conversations
As they
read the newspaper
And watch the nightly news.
Maybe one
of them is “funny looking”.
Seriously,
I’ve lived in Colorado my whole life.
I’ve never been visited by an alien
Whose
neck extended when he pee’d.
Or alien robots who transform into slick versions
Of
General
Motors sports cars.
The mob doesn’t have much of a presence here.
Eastern
European terrorists
Have never taken a Christmas party
Full of yuppies hostage
And blown
up a building
While trying to steal some bonds
Or something.
No ghosts
and no scientists running around
with nuclear-powered backpack
Trying to catch them.
No killer robots from the future
travel back in time to Colorado
to save the future of the species.
Or, at
least I haven’t heard about it.
Sometimes people fall in love here… I suppose.
They
live and die.
I once saw a story on the news about
A man who risked his own
Life
To save a child who
Was drowning
in a frozen lake
Somewhere south of Denver.
I personally know
a bunch of alcoholics
And drug addicts.
So that
sort of stuff happens around here.
It seems.
I went
to college
And found it a mostly miserable
And disappointing
Experience.
I met several people who had nervous breakdowns.
Although now aliens have landed here
That I know about
There is a sizeable population
Of individual
Everyday
Someone is fired
From work.
I’m sure of it.
Divorce. Disease. Disasters of all kinds.
I once saw a news report of a couple of
Dudes
Who had survived several hours
I’ve met too many girls
Who have
been sexually assaulted.
I’ve met a couple of people who have been kidnapped.
Both the victim and the offender have their story to tell.
For a
couple of years
I worked in a halfway house.
So I know that people commit crimes
And end up in prison around these parts.
I’m
sure they all had all the crimes
Plotted out.
They’d probably watched too many
Movies too.
And the
crime was a “sure-thing.”
Some of them were successful criminals for awhile.
Drug dealers
mostly
Although most drug dealers don’t make the kind of money
They’d like for you to believe.
Most
were petty criminals.
Small crimes.
Every day
someone at school gets bullied.
One time
a couple of boys shot up a school.
Killed some of their classmates.
Things like that happen around
here.
Nothing
to make a movie about.
